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| ..."You can usually tell how a girls night went based on how her bed looks. The pillows mushed into the corner tell me bad. Not all bad, just comfortably normal bad. I feel like I'm at peace while in this bed, as if to say it has some power over me. Here is where we sleep to dream. We dream amazing dreams while we sleep, alone. We are all alone when we sleep, even if you are sleeping with someone. The dreams you have will only leave you all alone in the morning feeling shittier than ever. My heart is spinning from the madness of the day. That and this medication & alcohol. I realized today that we really know jack shit about everyone although we call them our friends. Well guess what... I don't really like most of my friends. You have such high expectations for a person and they just let you down. They exhibit this fake respect and love for you, when really they disrespect you because when it comes down to it they are all cold hearted... ........ more rambling...... Time and time again I am reminded of my past that stole my future." | | |
| I'm tired, just so tired. My heart is tired too. I feel as if I am giving up. Giving up on all I wanted to be. I see my dreams crashing before me. And I just stand here. I stand here and grieve for the past. What could have become of so much. What kind of life could I have lead. But here I am now, running on empty, at my lowest point. I fear that if this does not change the emptiness will just lead to break down. But how can something broken break down? I cannnot play mother. I cannot play sister. I cannot play friend. I cannot play at all. I cannot lose you. Either of you. I cannot have you taken from me. I cannot choose to chance your life or to let you live a life you would not choose. I cannot lose you. The nighttime is to long with nothing to dream.... | | |
| The big question around is.. "How thin is too thin?"
I admit, that question surfaces for me also. How thin is too thin? Is it when you are below 100, the two digit zone? Is it when you can see the bones? Is it when you are sick all the time because your immune system is down? Is it when you cannot even grab some skin from your body?
I think too thin is when you look sick I guess. I don't look that yet, so I guess I'm not too thin. Actually, I am nowhere near. | | |
| I've become a traitor.
http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=8051932&Mytoken=20050122182202
I make more friends on there - hell alot of friends. They're cooler. This is not goodbye xanga, just a see you later. I'll write again soon
Finals are like girls because...
-you'd rather get an easy one
-you get in a lot of trouble if you get caught cheating on one
-if you're drunk when you do one, it takes a lot longer to finish
-when you finish one, you have to immediately start preparing for the next one
-if you have more than one scheduled at the same time, you have a problem
-you have to put in a lot of effort for very little reward
-nothing about them makes any fucking sense
-when you are done you get up and leave
-good curves make for a more enjoyable experience
-it's easy to bullshit one (most, anyways | | |
| First off, Happy 18th Birthday Sarah!!
My sickness has led me to be even sicker. I need to stop. If only it were that easy. . . But I see no reason to stop. Even though this is what it does to me I see no reason to stop. Because, it really doesn't matter to me. I guess that is a problem, oh well. | | |
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